The Mourners Bill of Rights

The Mourners Bill of Rights

Grieving individuals have certain rights that others must not take away from them. In fact, it is the very upholding of these rights that makes healing possible.

1. Mourners have the right to experience their own unique grief. No one else will grieve in exactly the same way. They should not allow others to tell them what they should or should not be feeling.

2. Mourners have the right to talk about their grief. Talking about their grief will help heal. It is important to seek out others who will allow them to talk as much as they need to.

3. Mourners have the right to feel a multitude of emotions. Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt and relief are just a few of the emotions they might feel. It is important to accept the full range of emotions as part of the grief journey.

4. Mourners have the right to be sensitive to their physical and emotional limits. Their feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave them feeling fatigued. They should respect what their body and mind are telling them. It is important during this time to not let others push them into doing things they don’t feel ready to do.

5. Mourners have the right to experience “grief attacks.” Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may come over them. This can be frightening, but it normal. They should find someone who understands and will let them talk it out.

6. Mourners have the right to make use of ritual. The funeral ritual should provide the support of caring people. Later, rituals such as lighting a candle for the person who died, can also be healing.

7. Mourners have the right to embrace their spirituality. If faith is a part of their life, they should feel welcome to express it in ways that seem appropriate to them. They should be able to be around people who understand and support their religious beliefs. If they have the need to feel angry at God, they should be able to find someone to talk with who won’t be critical of their feelings.

8. Mourners have the right to search for meaning. They may find themselves asking, “Why did he or she died? Why this way? Why now?” Some of their questions may have answers, some may not. They don’t deserve cliched responses like, “It was God’s will” or Thin of what you have to be thankful for.”

9. Mourners have the right to treasure their memories. Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. They will always remember. Instead of ignoring memories, they must find creative ways to embrace them.

10. Mourners have the right to move toward their grief and heal. Reconciling their grief will not happen quickly. They should remember that grief is a process, not an event. They will need to be patient with themselves. And they should avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with them. Neither they nor those around them should forget that the death of someone loved changes life forever.

From The Mourner’s Bill of Rights by Dr. Alan Wollfelt. Used by Permission.